Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
