AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need moral support for this bender
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
