Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
