K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!