I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?