I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.