Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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