do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.