Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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