the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im part way to drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
