I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
