how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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