You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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