I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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