i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
