I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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