I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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