I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
