I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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