Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize