If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
