you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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