Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
