O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
