dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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