Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
