Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
