Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Even my vagina gasped.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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