ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
