oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
organizing the empties. That sober.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
