Kareoke will never be a sober sport
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
