is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
