Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
