Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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