Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
