I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
