i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
