i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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