The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
