Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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