Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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