I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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