I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
