I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
