I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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