my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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