very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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