I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
