you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
