we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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