Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
