Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
