don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
