i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
