My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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