My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They are going to name an STD after you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
