i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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