You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
