he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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