Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
