if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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