it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
