Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
