I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love you. Go after that dick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
