Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
