we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
