you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
