by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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