Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
