I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
