Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
