I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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