I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize