Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
