i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
